All right.

So today was a decent day overall. Last week, I started tracking "Y" or "N" each day on my home calendar. A "Y" means that yes, I would go back to school the next day if given the option to stay or leave An "N" means that no, I would not go back. Last week, I had 3 Ys and 2 Ns. So far this week, I have one Y. :)

Today I decided to adopt the outward attitude of the teacher next door to me. Mr. Soraio* is EXTREMELY mellow. This is his 40th (yes, 40th) year of teaching, and he is usually calm, cool, and collected. His sense of humor is quiet and sly, and I assume his teaching follows a similar pattern. Today, I tried to emulate some of Mr. Soraio's characteristics. I also kept in mind a mantra that my high school biology teacher told us: "Be a duck. Let the drops of stress roll off your back like water off a duck's." I usually get really irritated with my 2nd and 5th period classes. Not today! No, thank you. I was generally calm, cool, and collected. I ignored more minor misbehaviors, and was much more mellow than usual. I even tried my best to laugh once or twice with each class. It was refreshing.

My counterpart in the other sixth grade hallway has proved helpful as well. Last week, we went to lunch (as we do on occasion), and I asked him how to work with the students who WON'T do anything. He gave me an analogy that went something like this:

"Imagine that you're a conductor of a train. Some students will be on board with you, and some won't. For those who aren't, sometimes you've gotta leave them at the stop and come back around and get them next time. Sometimes you need to lay off a kid for a week or two or three, let him fail, then come back around to him when he's ready or when you're ready to try again." That alleviated a LOT of stress! I used to think I had to be on EVERY student, EVERY day for everything. It got tiring. Today, I let some of the students slack off, as long as they weren't bothering anyone. I realized it'll show on their grades and test scores, but I didn't feel so guilty about it today.

Finally, I'm debating (as always!) if I want to stay in this crazy profession or not. This morning, I worked on the Peace Corps application I'd started 2 years ago (last time I taught!). I'm not sure what next year holds, but I'm trying to decide what will be best for me.

Also helpful this week: I don't have morning bus duty (hallelujah!!!), there are only 2 more days of school (!!), AND I only have one more day of tutoring this week. Additionally, one of the other newbies and I are trying to form the "Yet Club." Since we both aren't liking how after-school tutoring is set up, we're thinking of having homework/classwork assistance available after school. The kids can come in on an as-needed basis. No formal lessons. No mandated attendance. They can take the 5 o' clock after-school bus home. I hope this club works (even if we don't get paid for it), because I think it'd help our students WAY more than the tutoring we're doing now. Finally, my counterpart/informal mentor (the one who explained the "train" analogy above) actually USED an activity I made!! :) I found it in the teachers' lounge trash, but he had had his honors kids complete something that *I* made. I was very honored and flattered, but I don't think I'll tell him. I put a copy of the work in his mailbox last week, and I was thrilled that he actually used it!

Okee, for now I plan out the next two days, then head to the YMCA again. They have treadmills that are to die for. Cheers!

Aha!

I've found a precious goldmine of a secret today: When I have fun teaching do fun activities with the class, students generally respond well. Who would've thunk??

Today, during our unit on data analysis, I formulated a quick series of races. The students were separated into groups, and we raced and recorded the results. The students did the following races (each student only did ONE of the below):

-regular running
-jumping
-running backwards
-doing "knee-touches" (where the students put their hands out at waist-level and had to reach their knees to their hands)

Each race went from the tetherball poles to a soccer goal and back. The kids did surprisingly well with the races; there was minimal complaining and a lot of laughing. Tomorrow, we graph the results... We'll see how that goes.

I will say, though, that my attitude determines a lot. It's dangerous. This morning, I decided to have a better day than yesterday.

Anyway, just a quick update. For now, I prep tomorrow and then go work out at our local YMCA! :) Cheers.

"Why did I become a teacher?" Day

So I'm declaring today a "Why did I become a teacher?" Day. It happens from time to time, and today is one of those days. The morning in particular was rough today. The afternoon, thus far, has been better.

I'm not sure what, exactly, seemed appealing about becoming a teacher. I remember being a kid and I LOVED having a fake grade book. My mom had some sort of accounting book, and I turned it into a grade book. I was so thrilled to put fake names and fake grades in it and play teachers with my quiet, kind stuffed animals. Students, it turns out, are often not quiet nor kind. They can be cruel, manipulative, annoying, rude, and rebellious. It's starting to wear on me.

This leads into my teaching philosophy, or lack thereof. I'm not sure what, exactly, I think my role should be. Should I be a constant disciplinarian, counselor, parent, confidante, and so forth, or is my primary job to educate? I can't quite tell yet. It's really hard to teach the kids when they keep getting in their own way!

I'm astonished by how many kids just do not LISTEN every day. Yeah, math may not be the most exciting thing ever, but I'm convinced that if the kids just listened and paid attention, they'd all have As. Arg. It's really, really, really annoying and draining to repeat myself a gajillion times a day. Sometimes I'll write "p. 224in your books" on the board AND say, "Please take out your books and open to page 224." I'll have kids say, "What are we doing?" or "What page?" or "Where are we?" or just stare at me blankly. THEN when we're actually doing an activity, when I call on people who aren't raising their hands, my request is usually met with a, "Huh?" or, "Where are we?" Those who ARE paying attention let out sighs of exasperation. It's immensely frustrating.

So... what to do? How do I get them hooked and interested? How do I do this every day? How do I help them? How do I chill out? Geez, I'm essentially a first-year teacher all over again!

And some more venting... I get here, usually, at about 7am. I typically leave around 7pm. I go home only to lay catatonically on the couch until bedtime. Then it's lather-rinse-repeat, and I'm back at school. Despite all my time planning and grading, I still feel largely ineffective and drained. Granted, I'm not as drained as I was my first year, but I'm still baffled by how good teachers get to where they are.

Next week starts another session of our glorious after-school tutoring. I feel that I kind of cheated last session... See, the kids' progress in tutoring is measured by their scores on an identical pre- and post-test. We're supposed to give the kids the pre-test and see how they do, then teach for 3 weeks, and present the exact same test the last day. I went over the pre-test frequently with the (large, loud, obnoxious) tutoring class frequently. We took notes on how to find the answers. We did the pre-test together the second-last day of tutoring together. They wrote the answer for each, and how to do it. I let them use their notes (with the answers!!) on the post-test.

A lot of students got a 90% or higher (thank goodness!), and my numbers looked really good. However, I feel I kind of cheated. The ones who payed attention had the answers right in front of them. Granted, they still had to work the problems and show their work, but I felt kind of bad about it. To make matters worse... the tutoring coordinator approached me to rave about my students' performance. "How'd you get such remarkable numbers?!" she'd marveled. I had to creatively construct an answer that didn't include the word "cheat" at all. It was interesting. I left that conversatino feeling like a phony and a fraud. AND tomorrow morning, we're having a meeting about tutoring and what successes we have. I'm to address my peers to tell what strategies I've been using. Yikes.

For now, I prep for my last class of the day, then figure out how to survive the rest of this quarter and year! Cheers.

Motivation

So I'm starting to get motivated to be a good teacher (finally!!). Yes, this is a draining profession. Yes, I put in a 60-hour work week. Yes, I'm tired all the time. BUT I think I can make it all worthwhile.

I'm not sure how yet (that's the kicker), but I want to really get good at teaching. I want to be able to "get through to" those kids who piss me off. I want them to enjoy at least part of school. I want to be more energetic, more interesting, and more effective as a teacher. I'm not sure HOW to do this, but I think the motivation is the first step.

Today while driving, I was thinking about attitude. Some of my colleagues are VERY negative, and I don't want any part of that. Sure, you can focus on all the negatives, but there's so much more than that!

I imagined an exchange between me and a wise sage. Our conversation went something like this:

Me: "I'm tired and I feel overworked."
Sage: "Sure, sure." (Makes a brushing gesture with his hand.) "But no negativity. What's good??"
Me: "You don't understand how hard I work and how tired I get!"
Sage: "Sure I do. Everyone can always complain about something. What is good?"
Me: (Hesitantly) "Well... My health is pretty good."
Sage: "Go on."
Me: "I have a job I like overall."
Sage: "Here we go! Keep going."
Me: "I like who I am, generally, I'm usually pretty happy, I'm passionate, I want my students to do well, I'm a critical thinker, I want to change things positively."
Sage: "Good. Good."

So yeah, we can always choose to complain. But today I'm going to choose not to. I'm gonna start focusing on only the good and see how that goes. It's hard, but I think it'll be awesome in the long run.

I'm off to plan a kick-ass lesson on mean, mode, median, and range. Cheers!